Overwhelmed

First of all, if you will notice, many of my favorite blogs have been inadvertently deleted from my sidebar. If you were on my sidebar and now you arent, do not take it personally....I will work on restoring the "I heart these blogs" section back to its original state ASAP (I might need a reminder if your blog isnt on the sidebar ;-).


*****Warning****This post is somewhat a stream of consciousness type post. Spelling and grammar have not been checked. Hopefully, a more lighthearted post will follow tomorrow assuming I have time and my attitude toward life is less stinky. Read at your own risk.

Today has been overwhelming. Nothing has gone the way I thought it would or should. Nothing has been convenient for me today. Nothing. If I told you all that has gone wrong, you would probably feel a measure of sympathy for me--maybe. Today was 'one of those days' and since around lunchtime, I have been frustrated beyond words--felt sorry for myself. I won't bore you with all the details, but let me just say that the BEST part of the day was when a delivery truck visiting the place next door ran into our utility pole and knocked out our cable/internet and telephone reception. I spent the whole afternoon trying to get service restored (which is much like banging one's head up against a brick wall or peeing into the wind). Cable is back in service, but telephone? Yeah, not so much. And that was the least irritating of the minor catastrophes.

I guess because my outlook on life is usually pretty good, days like today (when my outlook is stinking rotten) really bother me. I am not good at feeling defeated. Funny thing is that so many times today, I have said, "Lord, why me?". Oh, I haven't been diagnosed with some fatal illness and my kids are healthy - my troubles today have not been life altering, but they have been annoying and a huge a test of my patience.

I have thrown several pity parties today -- as with most of my pity parties, I was the only one in attendance --- well, me and satan. All pity parties are thrown in honor of satan whether we like to admit it or not. When self-pity takes over, so does the enemy. Remember how satan used my fear to keep me from worship on Sunday morning? Well, he used my frustration to take my eyes off Jesus and place them on my ugly circumstances today. Don't misunderstand me, I did not lose my temper today at all, but I did lose sight of Jesus---and I gave up some of my joy as an offering to the deceiver. I was almost in tears tonight because I felt so helpless and hopeless--- I rarely get to that point!!!

This evening during the pity party, the "Lord, why me's?" turned into "Lord, why not me's?". Do you know the 'Why not me's' of which I speak? They are the thoughts that say "Lord, why is she getting to serve you in such a huge way?" or "Lord, why is this sinful person so all-fired happy and successful?" OR "Lord, why does her life seem so easy and perfect?" or "Lord, why isn't it me who is making a big difference in Your Kingdom?"..........(insert your own "Lord, why not me? here). See, that's how satan works. He loves it when our minds wander and our hearts long for more (of anything besides Jesus). He sees your weaknesses and he plays on them --- then he twists and molds those weaknesses in our minds so that we see our problems as being bigger than our God.

I guess half the battle is knowing how the enemy works --- the other half is remembering that God wins.........no matter what happens, God is mightier than satan.......in EVERY circumstance.......time for bedtime prayers - What's on my prayer list? A new attitude, for satan to get behind me, getting rid of the "why me's?", getting rid of the "why NOT me's", and miraculous restoration of phone service...............