A Quick Fix

As you read this, please know that I am probably slaving away at the house that will never be finished new house. While you are sitting in a cushy chair in front of your computer, I am probably lifting objects that are way too heavy for me to lift (even though I AM freakishly strong - just ask my husband). While you take a sip of your mocha latte, I am most likely shoveling gravel and various other types of rock & debris with a back that is still not completely over my last epidural (or my first epidural for that matter). As you surf the internet, just know that the callouses on my hands are becoming much more pronounced and the short nails that I had yesterday are now in the quick. Just thought you should know, please feel sorry pray for me.

Anyway, I have been in a state of 'discouragement' much of the time over the past couple of weeks. Nothing terrible has happened in my life (mostly little annoyances), but for some reason, I have found myself in personal 'funk' lately. This is not my normal outlook or attitude. I might be easily distracted, but not easily distraught. My mood is usually pretty upbeat, so depression is not something I have ever really had to deal with (and I use the term depression loosely - I don't want to make light of depression because I know there are people who are clinically and seriously depressed - that is not me).

So, yesterday as I was in the car line waiting to pick Lake up from school, I was praying for some deliverance from this funk and in that prayer I said, "Lord, you know these feelings of despair that I have been having lately, please take them away and fix my heart". Almost immediately, He said to my spirit "You don't need Me to fix your heart, you need to fix your heart on Me". Let me say that again "You don't need Me to fix your heart, you need to fix your heart on me". That's a powerful word. A word I needed to hear (and need to hear every day until I am raptured outta here). So, in addition to "For your glory", I am adding "Fix your heart on Me" to the list of phrases that I will be repeating over and over. I need to fix my heart on Him so my heart can be fixed completely. I was expecting Him to do all the work by giving me a quick fix, but He had something deeper in mind. Sometimes He allows trials in our lives in order to teach us. Maybe He has allowed these feelings of distress in order to teach me to fix my heart on Him.

I have so many thoughts rushing through my head about this subject and for the life of me, I just cant seem to make them into sensible sentences here in type. I hope what I have written makes some sort of sense even though it isn't written very eloquently (not that you expected eloquence from the Queen of Randomness - especially a Queen who is in a funk).