Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Overwhelmed

First of all, if you will notice, many of my favorite blogs have been inadvertently deleted from my sidebar. If you were on my sidebar and now you arent, do not take it personally....I will work on restoring the "I heart these blogs" section back to its original state ASAP (I might need a reminder if your blog isnt on the sidebar ;-).


*****Warning****This post is somewhat a stream of consciousness type post. Spelling and grammar have not been checked. Hopefully, a more lighthearted post will follow tomorrow assuming I have time and my attitude toward life is less stinky. Read at your own risk.

Today has been overwhelming. Nothing has gone the way I thought it would or should. Nothing has been convenient for me today. Nothing. If I told you all that has gone wrong, you would probably feel a measure of sympathy for me--maybe. Today was 'one of those days' and since around lunchtime, I have been frustrated beyond words--felt sorry for myself. I won't bore you with all the details, but let me just say that the BEST part of the day was when a delivery truck visiting the place next door ran into our utility pole and knocked out our cable/internet and telephone reception. I spent the whole afternoon trying to get service restored (which is much like banging one's head up against a brick wall or peeing into the wind). Cable is back in service, but telephone? Yeah, not so much. And that was the least irritating of the minor catastrophes.

I guess because my outlook on life is usually pretty good, days like today (when my outlook is stinking rotten) really bother me. I am not good at feeling defeated. Funny thing is that so many times today, I have said, "Lord, why me?". Oh, I haven't been diagnosed with some fatal illness and my kids are healthy - my troubles today have not been life altering, but they have been annoying and a huge a test of my patience.

I have thrown several pity parties today -- as with most of my pity parties, I was the only one in attendance --- well, me and satan. All pity parties are thrown in honor of satan whether we like to admit it or not. When self-pity takes over, so does the enemy. Remember how satan used my fear to keep me from worship on Sunday morning? Well, he used my frustration to take my eyes off Jesus and place them on my ugly circumstances today. Don't misunderstand me, I did not lose my temper today at all, but I did lose sight of Jesus---and I gave up some of my joy as an offering to the deceiver. I was almost in tears tonight because I felt so helpless and hopeless--- I rarely get to that point!!!

This evening during the pity party, the "Lord, why me's?" turned into "Lord, why not me's?". Do you know the 'Why not me's' of which I speak? They are the thoughts that say "Lord, why is she getting to serve you in such a huge way?" or "Lord, why is this sinful person so all-fired happy and successful?" OR "Lord, why does her life seem so easy and perfect?" or "Lord, why isn't it me who is making a big difference in Your Kingdom?"..........(insert your own "Lord, why not me? here). See, that's how satan works. He loves it when our minds wander and our hearts long for more (of anything besides Jesus). He sees your weaknesses and he plays on them --- then he twists and molds those weaknesses in our minds so that we see our problems as being bigger than our God.

I guess half the battle is knowing how the enemy works --- the other half is remembering that God wins.........no matter what happens, God is mightier than satan.......in EVERY circumstance.......time for bedtime prayers - What's on my prayer list? A new attitude, for satan to get behind me, getting rid of the "why me's?", getting rid of the "why NOT me's", and miraculous restoration of phone service...............

12 comments:

Greg P. said...

I've been in your position many times. I know what you are trying to express. I've thrown my own pity parties.

I was taught that instead of saying "why me", I SHOULD say "why not me". As in, why shouldn't God allow this to happen to me?

The Lord reproves those He loves. Look at it as a test of faith. Maybe God is testing you.

I hope you're feeling better in the morning.

Staceystace said...

What I hate: the deceiver comes back to claim a piece of my mind that I have previously given to the Lord and claimed victory. I hate it, hate it, hate it, and I've been there for too long AGAIN.

His mercies are new every morning and I pray you will awake with renewed peace!

Jennifer Partin said...

You are so funny Bethanne!

BTW, my blog is one of those that are missing in your sidebar. :)

Eddie said...

Sounds like life is happening at your house. Aren't you glad that God gives us days of refreshing between when life happens. Your the daughter that can leap tall buildings, your faster than a speeding bullet, stronger than a locomotive. You fight for justice and right and the American way of life. Your one of three super heros of mine. Love you bunches.
Dad

Shelley Hendrix said...

Hey girl,

Y'know, "been there, done that", too. Not to minimize what you're going through IN THE LEAST, but I remember Dr. Dobson saying in those worst of days and discouragement, sometimes we just need a nap. I'm there, too. Let's take a nap in one another's honor, k? ;-)If that doesn't do it, I think Ben and Jerry make house calls.

KrisinTN said...

It seems like I have had a couple of weeks like that. I just feel tired of trying. Do you ever get to that point? Last night I was so disgusted that I sat down and ate an entire bag of popcorn & a bowl of ice cream. uuugggg! I'm praying that your day goes better today.

I am looking forward to going to church tonight. I know the Lord will send a special message just for me.

ocean mommy said...

First, your dad's comments make me cry! What a sweet one you've got there.

Second, praying for you! I completely related to this post as I have had a couple of days like this lately. :)

Hugs,
steph.

The Brady's said...

I think I had your day on Monday!

Anonymous said...

Beth,
Your blog today was needed. Knowing our current situation, you could probably guess that I've had a few "Why me?" moments. I have times when people will tell me, "You're doing such a wonderful thing," and I just want to scream--I bet you do...your life is a bed of roses. But then I look into the sweet faces of these children and am so thankful for the privilege to be able to tell them about Jesus and his love for them. They may know the pain of having their earthly father turn his back on them, but they will NEVER know the pain of having their Heavenly Father do the same. Please pray for us in these ways: Pray that we will give God glory for all that He has done in this situation. Pray that we not be so focused the financial difficulties with the situation; God has provided and will continue to provide our needs. Pray that I will not have bitterness toward the parents, but a Christ like love and prayerful heart. Pray for all of the children and the adjustments to be made. I could go on and on, but I will end with..."for His glory...for His glory...for His glory."--Angela

Heidi Zawisza said...

Oh, I hate these days.....maybe you should try what I do, and just FIND the humor somewhere, somehow in some part of your crappy day!! USUALLY, when I start making fun of myself, I can find much humor in my crapness!! ha!ha!
BUT, on that note, I am sorry that you had a bad day. I have read your blog long enough to know that this is NOT you. I pray you will feel better in the morning! Love ya!!

Steve said...

Hang in there!! You are loved by many, but above all, you are loved by Jesus!! What more could we ever ask for than that??
Praying for you always!!
-s

Alana said...

Ugh. Those days are tough. But you are right, we must remember that we have the victory in the end. That hope helps us get through in the meantime!