Thursday, December 13, 2007

Much About Nothing

I really have nothing to say, well, that's a lie. I ALWAYS have something to say, just ask my husband - he says I could talk to a fencepost. He might be right about that. Actually, I thought it might just be time for a little randomness, so here you go (I apologize in advance).

**Hubs has been in Memphis all week and I will be glad to have him home tomorrow night. I have to say that it has been hectic trying to keep up with kid stuff, house stuff, Christmas stuff, basketball stuff, AND keep up with building a house. Have I mentioned that I know virtually nothing about building a house? I really just wanted hubs to call me when it was time to pick out paint colors, but it has become apparent to me that I don't always get what I want. Anyway, I have missed him even though he has called me on average 63 times per day. There is nothing better than crawling into bed and snuggling up against my warm man. Hubs and I love bed time (get your mind out of the gutter). We lay in bed and watch TV and talk about our day - laugh about the kids or his work.

**So, I am reading the "news" on the net this morning (really just the headlines on MSN homepage) and one of the headlines read "Jodi Foster Finally Out". In my mind I think 'Out of what'? So, I open the article and wouldn't you know it, she is gay! Am I the only one on the planet that did not know this fact? Now, I am not a movie buff and I rarely watch TV, but I am familiar with Jodi Foster (not a fan, but I know her work). I saw Silence of the Lambs when I was in high school and I made my mom sleep with me for 2 weeks! I loved Nell ('like a tay in da win'). I wonder why people come out of the closet. Seems like it would be better for everyone (including them) to just keep that closet door shut (tight). I am not gay, nor do I understand same sex attraction, but I do know that the world we live in was much better before Adam and Steve came out of their closets.

**On a similar note, yesterday I was at Kohl's (I heart Kolhl's madly) and I was in the junior department looking at some really cute zip up hoodies (I am a stay-at-home mom - I live for the hoodie, people) when I look over the rack and see this old woman staring at me. She is a strange looking old woman so I do a double take only to find out she isn't a woman at all (at least not yet). He/she had on make up, earrings, and women's clothes. He/she was holding up women's clothes to her/his self to see how they looked. I have to admit, normally I would stare and judge (just being honest), but this time I felt compassion for that poor soul. He/she looked like a caged animal staring at people staring at him/her. The only thing I kept thinking was that man/woman is going to hell. I could cry thinking about it. He/she is a mixed up, messed up person, but aren't we all? It is only by the grace of God that I am not bent toward homosexuality. God knows I have my own ugly sins and while they may not be sexual in nature, they are just as vile to a Holy God. I could go on and on, but I will save it for a later post.

** Yesterday at Kohls' I got a denim knee-length skirt for $6. I got 2 long sleeved tops that have some sort of print on them for $4 each. I got a short jacket with big buttons (I dont know what they are called, but you know what I am talking about) for $10. I got a pair of khaki courderoy pants for $12 and a red sweater for $13. See why I heart Kohl's? Here is a picture of one of my $4 shirts. Not bad for 4 bucks,huh? If you think it's ugly, just keep that information to yourself please. Also, I realize that I look like a crack head in this picture, please double click for the less ugly version. Thank you.

**All my presents are wrapped and under the tree. Praise the Lord from whom all blessings flow! My back may never be the same again. I wrapped all presents in 2 days. I hurt, people, I hurt. My tailbone will never be the same and I look like the hunchback of Notre Dame.

**Since I turned 35 my metabolism has gone into reverse. I know it isn't in my head! I used to be able to lose 5 lbs in a week by just cutting out bread and sugar.......I have done that for 2 weeks and I have lost zero. I need to lose 15 lbs. - yesterday. Anybody got any ideas to jump start my metabolism? (If you have been skinny all your life, please don't reply to this - thank you.)

**My nose is running and I have a cough that I cannot control. I sound like I have Active TB. It could be because we went from 40 degree weather back to 75 and 80 degree weather. It might snow this weekend - I will probably be hospitalized with pneumonia before spring.

**I am addicted to Chap-stik. Have to have it all the time. Something is very wrong with me. I sleep with it on my night stand and when I wake up in the middle of the night I reapply. Can someone please help me? I am reaching out, isnt that the first step?

**When you are from the south, strange sayings and mispronounced words become normal. Youins (pronounced you-uns) is commonly used instead of you all. I hate that word (well it really isnt a word, but whatever). When it snows just a little, people call it a 'skiffin' of snow. Instead of learned, many people say learnt (lurnt). Not only do they say learnt, they use it in the wrong context (ex. My son went to school and the teacher learnt him to read). My mother always says "I am gonna get my house cleaned if it hairlips Georgia". What is that? If you are laying down resting, people say that you are 'laid out like a week's warshin'". (One of my pet peeves is when people add R's to words when there is no R in the word - ie. George Worshington). Instead of saying "How are you"?, people say "Whatya allow?" The first time I heard that phrase was in college and I had the guy repeat it several times and then answered "Well, not much!" I thought he was hitting on me. If you are shy, you are 'backward' and if you aren't pretty, you are 'homely' - why homely? I have lived here all my life and I still don't understand where some of these things come from. I can't think of all the strange sayings I have heard in my time (and yes I probably say some of them too), but I think from now on when I hear one, I will write it down and share it with you all. Don't think I am making fun - I am a Tennessee girl through and through, but I do find some of the things we say quite odd. I wouldn't trade my southern upbringing for all the money in the world.

**Every time I go north, west, or out of the country, people always want me to talk. They say they like to hear my accent, but I think they just like to make fun of me when I leave so I usually don't say much to them.

**We have a saltwater fish tank in the wall at our house. My husband loves the fish and I think they are pretty, but too much work. When he is out of town, I am left to feed them. They like to eat out of your hand. I do not like critters of the underwater kind touching my fingers with their mouths - they bite! (it doesnt hurt, but I do not like to be bitten). One of the fish is somewhat mean. He only likes for my husband to feed him and when I stick my hand in the tank to feed him, he splashes me. I don't mean he flips a little water out of the tank. I mean he uses his tailfin to wet my face. My mother didnt believe me until she saw it for herself. I hate that fish.

**I am excited about the toys we got our boys for Christmas. It's almost like being little again. I suppose it's wrong to buy your kids things because you want to play with them, but we do it anyway. Sometimes we buy the toys for ourselves and act like we did it so the kids can play with them. Last year, hubs bought me a battery operated scooter (not a jazzy chair like old people have). It goes 45 miles per hour - no way my 6 or 3 year old is getting on that thing, but mommy sure does have fun with it!

**My three year old is obsessed with The Incredibles. He has made us call him Dash for the past three weeks and he gets mad if we use his real name. He wakes up in the morning and says "Mommy, I'm still Dash". He wants to play the Incredibles on Play Station2 all the time (he is actually quite good at it). He watches the movie all the time. He tells me long, involved stories about Dash. When we are in stores and people ask his name, he tells them Dash - I dont tell them different - what would be the point? His Sunday School/AWANAS/choir teachers all have started calling him Dash. So, his birthday is in January and I ordered him a Dash costume. I wonder if he will ever take it off. The Dash obsession is not nearly as embarrassing as the time we were in Marshall's in Nashville (Kaden was 20 mos old) and I realized people were staring at me and then at him. I looked down and he had gotten a tampon out of my purse - he had taken the paper off of it and was chewing on it. I almost died of embarrassment and I immediately left that store never to return!

**Why does Toys r Us have the R backward in their logo? They are a store for impressionable kids - why teach them to write their R's backward?

**As I sit here typing, my house is in semi-disarray, the laundry needs to be done (approx. 36 loads, okay, 35), and I need to be working on some things for the preschool Christmas party for church. I may need to go to B.A. (blogger's anonymous) - I am sure there is some sort of 12 step program for people like me---those who blog in order to get out of or delay doing work.


jennyhope said...

Um Dash! That is hysterical!
you and i are seriously so much alike!
also, i am from the south and i have never heard some of those sayings LOL

Fran said...

Tell Dash that one of his mommys imaginary friends said hello and he and I are good huh?!

Hysterical momma. living in the south is very interesting.

Stephanie (Ocean Mommy) said...

I'm cracking up at all those southern sayings! So funny. :) But that Dash sounds likes a riot!

Have a wonderful weekend!

Earen said...

What a great random blog! I was laughing out loud....especially at the tampon story! And has anyone told you how beautiful you are!! (no, I'm not gay & agree with you on all that)....shirt looks great!

I lived in Texas the first 10yrs of my life and everyone made fun of my ya'll when we moved here. I love the accent!

Abby said...

i'm finally catching up on blogs!!! i have missed your hilarious post, and wisdom!

ok...have to say my favs...
1. didn't know about jodi either..
2. "i live for the hoodie, people"
3. "i look like a crack head" SO do not..
4. and i am there with you on the chapstick!

i don't know what you feel about weight watchers...(the roomies and i are starting in january after break) but the girl i nanny for just started and lost 6 lbs in 2 weeks just changing what she ate...she is still in the late-20s category, but i thought that was pretty good just for changing what she ate...i'm not sure how much it costs though? (we are lucky that one of my rommie's moms has the stuff from when she did it a year ago...the main thing is getting the points calculator)

i'm a huge fan of pilates too!! :)

He Knows My Name said...

bethanne, you certainly out did yourself on this post. where do i not Jodi...i am so slow i didn't even think...your kohls shirt is sooo cute...i worked with one of those trans...back in my 20's he/she used the mens room ptl...if i have to leave a comment on your christmas efficiency well let's leave that one alone...chapstick is addictive didn't you read the label? dad used homly all the time, he used to call florine mark of weight watchers homely before we noticed she had a nose R us has a secret conspiracy to swindle you out of your money using the cute giraffe....if i don't get some help for my computer addiction my family will have to go to the corner gas station to use the bathroom. :)

hugs from the winter wonderland of michigan ~janel

Alana said...

I LOVE Kohl's, too! It is kind of a new discovery for me because we just got a new store here and I had never really shopped there much before. Shirt? So cute.

Cringing for you about the tampon story...and laughing. Oh my!

My metabolism went into reverse at 30. How did you get 5 extra years? Have yet to figure out how to jump start it. I'm trying, though!

I only lived in TN for four years so I only knew of a few of those sayings. A lot of my great aunts and uncles live around there, too. Mostly Mountain City. Did I ever tell you that?

Jennifer Partin said...

This post was hilarious! I laughed out loud twice----and I NEVER laugh out loud.

The tampon was a hoot! I'll have to remember that when I need a good laugh. :)

Bob Greene's Total Body Makeover is a great book that helped me go down 6 sizes. It totally transformed me and my mind. As a matter of fact, I am going to start it again now that I have some "baby butt" to loose. It's not about dieting.

I had a child who went through the name stage too. Except he was Bob (the builder) had people at church calling him that too. One man was shocked to discover that "Bob" was a psuedonym for Madden. He's outgrown it. We now have a "Buzz" living with us. :)

I'm sure your day will be filled with surprise!!! :)

Steve said...

Great looking sweater!!!

mel said...

Hello, there. I wanted to congratulte you for winning over at jenniferpartin's blog -- and that I've enjoyed looking through your site. Continue to press in to HIM for your daily strength and joy.

LOVED the Chapstick comment -- I resemble that statement! I have several strategically placed throughout my house. A must-have!